This past week was pretty uneventful, but it was a good week and I learned a lot. So I started the week out feeling kind of down about just myself as a missionary. I didnt feel like I was doing enough or being the kinda of missionary that I could be. During comp study I think on Tuesday I talked to my comp about it and I just told her to push me harder because I want to struggle. I want to be uncomfortable because thats the only way Im going to learn. She agreed and after that we really started to change the way we did things in a way that would force me to learn more. Like we decided to only speak spanish outside of the apt. Its tricky and frustrating and sometimes just really quiet haha but its worth it because I learn the language a lot better that way.
I had my first division this week. I was nervous about it because I didnt know what it would be like to go somewhere else and be with another comp for a day. Mom, I brought all my bedding with me because I wanted to sleep on it and I didnt want anyone else to sleep on it haha. But I actually got super lucky because I got put with Hna. A. Shes Gringa too and shes super fun. She has 10 months in the mish. I really liked going with her because I learned so much from her. When we were contacting I talked A LOT more than I ever had and its because I made myself do it. Ever since then, Ive definitely been not as afraid to talk to people with my very minimal spanish. I just do it because I know thats how Ill get better. Hna. A. is also a very different missionary than my comp, which made me realize that I get to decide what kind of missionary I want to be. Ive been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to be a certain type of missionary that I think I SHOULD be, when really I just need to figure out what type of missionary I WANT to be. Im excited to do that.
Soooo I did something super weird on Friday night because this country is confusing my body. Like a lot. My poor body is getting stressed out with all this change haha. Anyway. So we were asleep like normal and all of a sudden I jumped out of bed and started screaming apparently and jumping around. Its weird to tell this story because it was such a weird experience. I remember it happening but its also kind of a blur because I was almost completely asleep. Its like I dreamt it. Like I probably would have thought it was a dream if my comp hadnt been there to witness it. But anyway I was freaking out and my comp was like whats wrong whats wrong and apparently I just kept screaming and then I finally came to when I sat next to her all I said was snake. Apparently I thought there was a snake on me. Ive never been so confused in my life haha. It was the weirdest thing ever. I was soooo out of it. Then we said a prayer and my comp sprayed bug spray everywhere and then we just went back to sleep. I wonder if this sounds as weird as it actually was because it was super weird haha. Im telling you, Panama is messing with my body in every way possible.
Also, this week while we were contacting, we contacted a man from Denver who retired here. So he knew English. He rejected us, in English, and it was strange because it was the first time Id been rejected on the mish in English. I didnt like it. It sounds a lot harsher in English. It made me super grateful for the first time since Ive been here that Im NOT in a cushy clean states mish because I know Id have the hardest time hearing rejections like that all the time. Heavenly Father knows me all too well.
Right now in the work we are just doing a lot of contacting because we have no progressing investigators right now. We are just trying to find that one person who we know is just waiting for us to find them. We are going to keep trying hard every day!! Its super hard to see so many people reject our message when we know that we have exactly what they need to be happy.
Okay well thats all that really happened this week aside from the usual Panamanian craziness!! I love and miss you all so much!! Thanks for the emails!!